Author: Kim Turner – presented at marriage seminar in May 2022.
Editor: Lisa Alley
What is love?
Love is an emotion that keeps people bonded and committed to each other. Love is to hold dear, to care, to have compassion, to have and show affection. The Bible tells us in 1st Corinthians chapter 13:4-7, charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth. To love is to cherish. Love makes and completes a relationship. Love is self-sacrificing, generous, and unending.
What love is not!
Love is not lust. Love does not envy. Love is not proud or puffed up. Love is long-suffering. Love does not brag on itself. Love is not rude. Love does not keep accounts for an opportunity to hold against someone. Love is not easily provoked, and love does not think evil. Love does not rejoice with iniquity but rather rejoices in truth. The truth sets you free. Love never fails. Love is not a temporary feeling or attraction.
Jesus is the reason we even know what love is. He gave his life for us. He taught us everything we need to know about true love. God intended marriage to be a blessing for man. Genesis 2:18. And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Men and women have greatly abused marriage today. Rather than a blessing it has become a curse. Marriage is meant to turn us heavenward and help us find wholeness and healing together in Christ. Think of it as a triangle with God. At the top center point and you and your husband at each of the two bottom points. As we put it in the spiritual work that draws us closer to God, our faith and spirituality will grow, and we will grow closer to our spouses as well.
One thing we already know we need to do to strengthen our marriage is to spend time in God’s work. It is said that when we want to talk to God, we pray and when we want God to talk to us, we spend time in His word. Studying the word is essential for any Christian for several reasons.
- Spending time in God’s word is equal to spending time with God. And you can’t spend time with God without His influence, love, light, and grace rubbing off on you.
- Time in the Scriptures brings reflection and inspiration regarding questions, anxieties, frustrations, and challenges. We all need that.
- God’s word teaches truth, and when we are in obedience to God’s truth, it will guide us in how to live a life full of happiness, a happier home and marriage.
- God’s word brings healing and power into our lives causing a change if we just choose to study it.
- The scriptures lead us to Christ. They teach us of his love and helps us to know more about him and how to become more like him.
This may be the single most important thing you can do to improve your marriage. Spend time in God’s word as a couple. Because the more we stay in God’s work and spend time in the scriptures, he will find a place in our hearts. In fact, he will give us a new heart, one that has much more room to love ourselves, our spouse and those around us. As we invest time in God’s word, our character, disposition, and desires will change for the better, and so will our marriage.
There is no right or wrong way to study the scriptures, but these tips may help.
- Find time to study alone and together
- Keep a journal- write down your notes and thoughts as you read.
- Decide what you’re going to do and make a plan.
- Be consistent and keep at it.
- Every effort we make to search and study the scriptures will lead us toward the answers we’ve been seeking for our marriage.
- II Timothy 3:16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.
- John 5:39 Search the scriptures; for in them ye think he have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.
- Acts 17:11. These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.
NURTURING OUR MARRIAGE
He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully. II Corinthians 9:6. The law of the harvest is a beautiful law to apply to our marriages because as Paul explained in this verse, what we plant in our marriage and how we take care of it determines how our marriage will grow and what we will get out of it.
Just look at the kinds of seeds you have planted in our marriage. We cannot plant seeds of immaturity, selfishness, neglect, and dishonesty and expect to have happy, healthy, marriage. Instead, we need to plant seeds of respect, kindness, compassion, appreciation, thoughtfulness, loyalty, trust, and LOVE.
It’s never too late to start planting the right kind of seeds in your marriage. You may think it’s too late, that your habits are too ingrained or that your problems are too difficult to overcome. But nothing is too difficult to overcome when we have God on our side.
No better time than the present to tend to the garden of our marriage. Letting the Lord give us help. Just as it takes water, sun, and nutrients for our gardens to grow, it takes time, space and commitment and intentional care for our marriage to grow.
We must be loyal and determined, consistently in our everyday efforts, if we want to reap a reward of a beautiful marriage.
Remember, you’re not alone in this. We all need this, and we must work at this. But if we are willing to steadily take care of this precious relationship and put the work in to nurture it, then certainly God will support, lift, and bless it. In life we all will encounter a slew of problems from health challenges and finances to problems with children or aging parents to workplace stresses. Sometimes our challenges may seem like mountains that can’t be overcome. But with faith, even in the smallest amount, those mountains can be moved. If we want to live a truly meaningful life, overcome our challenges, and build a lasting, loving, and loyal marriage, faith in the Lord must be our foundation.
Faith is more than just a feeling or belief. It’s action. It’s doing more of the things that make you a better person and less of the things that don’t, like turning to your spouse and God when times get rough or turning away from mistakes and past wrongs.
It’s humbly walking in obedience to God’s commandments and trusting in Him. Faith is moving forward, making progress, and working hard, all while hoping for good things to come.
For our marriages to blossom into it’s full potential we need Faith in a few things.
- Faith in ourselves to learn, improve and progress each day.
- Faith in our spouses and their ability to learn, improve and progress each day.
- Faith in the Lord to make it all possible.
While faith is the first two items, our faith may waver from time to time because we are human, and we aren’t perfect. However, NEVER doubt your faith in him. Jesus is perfect and unchanging and can help us in everything we need or desire.
How does Faith Grow? Faith can grow and develop with the following.
- Read scriptures
- Pray
- Repent, forgive, and move forward
- Serve others
- Follow the Lord and live his word
Each of these reminds us of our reliance upon God and fills our hearts with greater love. Faith in the Lord can help strengthen, restore, and even rebuild your marriage. This is because real, sincere faith leads to an action, which in turn invites the Lord’s help into our life. With increased love and faith, you will see the Savior’s hand and influence increasingly in your home and in your marriage. This will become a miracle in your marriage.
Over the almost 31 years of marriage, we have been through many different seasons of life. One that truly sticks in my mind and my heart more than any is June of 2015 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
My husband, Tommy, took such wonderful, compassionate care of me every day, at every doctor visit, and every surgery. He held my hand for all the sad news, drain tubes, and never once did he complain. One morning we got up, got our daughter, Faith, ready for school and he got me to the bathroom, drained my drain tubes, measured, and wrote down drainage and got me back to bed then took Faith to school. He sent me a text of a song by Joe Crocker……. “You are so beautiful to me”. That, my dear friends, is love. Love that only God can give. God is good, God is love and I have been blessed with his love……forever!
Wisdom:Better Than Rubies 